「創傷、療傷與化身」：重光崇拜在北美與亞洲的同志酷兒基督徒運動

Abstract

同志酷兒（LGBTQ ）基督徒受到「文化戰爭」和 「冷戰」兩大權力結構夾擊，打破許多團體在政治上刻意劃分的二分法。談到在全球散播恐同思想和針對 LGBTQ 社群的惡意言論，基督教一直是最大的一股力量，由於許多人欲處理這種後殖民的產物，因此深入了解暴力的起源、性質和手段對於受害者至關重要，此舉能幫助他們分享自身的經驗、展開療傷的旅程，也讓他們能規劃策略來對抗創傷的源頭。本篇自我民族志論文使用跨學科的方法來討論具象化的概念，藉此探討 LGBTQ 基督徒所經歷的創傷和療傷等多重經歷。這篇論文不只以個人的角度使用心理學、創傷學的觀點來檢視具象化和去具象化的概念，更用了歷史學和神學的觀點來解釋哪些集體及承襲而來的殖民創傷影響了聖經詮釋學。透過聖經詮釋學和音樂詮釋學中個人與集體的意義創造模式，解釋北美和亞洲 LGBTQ 基督教運動中崇拜音樂的重光（reclamation）和轉變（transformation）。在 LGBTQ 基督徒的會議和聚會上唱的歌常常和長期拒絕和傷害同志酷兒的教會或表演者相同，但LGBTQ 基督徒讓這些歌變成療傷與解放的工具。本論文使用來自後殖民神學、酷兒研究、情感理論、創傷學、音樂學和音樂心理學等現有學術理論，分析並解釋這一現象，並納入LGBTQ 基督教運動參與者、音樂家、敬拜帶領者、運動領袖等人的口述歷史和個人故事。

Stuck between the power plays of both the “Culture Wars” and the “Cold war” are LGBTQ Christians, a community that defies the binarisms of many groups’ political agendas. Christianity has been the greatest force for spreading homophobia and violence against LGBTQ people globally, and as many deal with this postcolonial legacy, an intimate understanding of the origin, nature, and means of that violence is essential first for victims to articulate their experiences and experience healing but also for strategizing steps moving forward for combatting the source of the trauma. This autoethnographic thesis uses multi-disciplinary approaches to the concept of embodiment in order to explore multi-layered experiences of trauma and healing of LGBTQ Christians. Dis/embodiment is traced historically and theologically beyond contemporary individualistic usages from the fields of psychology and traumatology in order to understand collective and inherited colonial wounds that affect hermeneutics. Embodiment’s individual and collective role in meaning making, both in Biblical hermeneutics and musical hermeneutics, is used to explain the reclamation and transformation of worship music in LGBTQ Christian movements in North America and Asia. At conferences and gatherings of LGBTQ Christians, the same songs used by the individuals and institutions that reject and perpetuate harm towards LGBTQ Christians are sung, but in this context and embodied in this community they are tools for healing and liberation from the trauma of their rejection. This thesis theorizes, analyzes, and explains this phenomenon using existing scholarship from post-colonial theology, queer studies, affect theory, traumatology, musicology, and music psychology and also includes oral histories and personal stories of participants, musicians, worship leaders, activists, and leaders from the LGBTQ Christian movement.