芻苦尋根─青少年期經歷喪手足者與已逝手足之持續性連結經驗

Abstract

研究源起、重要性與目的：研究者青少年期四姑姑癌症死亡的類似喪母經驗裡，無法同內在認定的手足─表妹一般，得到家族內成人的照顧，而成為隱形的悲傷者，引發對青少年期喪手足者，手足死後於家庭與社會系統中被忽略經驗之深刻同理與探究之心。台灣探究青少年期喪手足領域文獻匱乏、手足持續性連結的研究闕如，本研究欲探討青少年時期經歷喪手足者與已故手足的持續性連結建構歷程，手足持續性連結在歷程中的樣態、內涵、角色與功能。 文獻探討：西方悲傷理論典範的發展，皆使研究者重新經驗理性主義時代要求放下(let it go)與截斷連結即是健康、完成悲傷任務的壓迫，隔絕了跨人類普遍現象與台灣社會中「與逝者連結」的豐富資源。直至持續性連結(continuing bonds)典範出現，允許並再度開啟「與逝者連結」的空間。 研究方法：敘事取向質性研究方法，深度、半結構式訪談，研究者期待與受訪者互為主體性地再建構與再詮釋生命故事與意義，希望能幫助受訪者、研究者與閱讀者開闢生命故事空間、厚描持續性連結、重整自我身分認同、整合失落經驗，進而產生生命根本性的改變。研究者從訪談之初到論文完成與口試，不論在研究者角色、對論文的期待，與認識青少年期喪手足者，皆是回歸真實的醒見。 破照繭縛•返妄歸真？：青少年期喪手足者的喪慟受到台灣儒家文化的人際安排、擠壓其在社會與家庭的喪慟空間，使喪手足者們成為儀式與習俗的打手與工具化的他者。然而，手足持續性連結、手足持續性連結與喪手足經驗的生命敘事，成為喪手足者經歷手足過世後，生命轉化的養分、管道與動力，喪手足者仍然伴著喪慟與悲傷活著，也可見已逝手足化為喪手足者自我的一部分，截斷連結似乎不可行。研究者也看見自己對悲傷療「癒」的理解是理想化的「痊癒」觀點。 洞穿喪慟•再會悲傷：青少年期喪手足者的喪慟是多層次系統互動和加乘的總和及反饋，對喪慟與喪手足者的主流論述和文化框架，似乎使喪手足者的自我破碎，研究者認為喪手足主體性再建構實為重要。研究者在論文末期經驗二姑姑的過世，再度經驗四姑姑過世的喪慟，重新與表姊和表妹對話。論文歷程中的所有經驗的衝擊與醒覺，使得研究者決定回過頭、帶著悲傷，繼續走在生命的路上。

Background: The research stems from the researcher’s experience of being an invisible griever in the family and society during adolescence. Such experience is similar to the bereaved whose sibling died in adolescence. Importance: There is insufficient research on adolescent sibling bereavement and sibling continuing bonds in Taiwan. Objectives: This research is to explore the process of constructing the continuing bonds between the bereaved and the deceased siblings who passed away in the survivors’ adolescence and the style, connotation, role and function of the sibling continuing bonds. Method: Narrative inquiry and in-depth, semi-structured interviews were conducted using narrative techniques and intersubjective attitude to create a space for life stories, to engage in thick description of continuing bonds, to re-construct self-identity, to integrate the sibling-loss experience, and even to change lives essentially for the interviewer, researcher and readers. Findings: The culture of Confucianism in Taiwan, with it interpersonal rules, squeezes the space for the adolescent bereaved siblings’ bereavement and turns them into the henchmen and instrumental otherness in Taiwan’s rituals and customs. Sibling continuing bonds (SCB) and the life narration of SCB and sibling loss has become the way and power for the bereaved sibling transformation, even though the sibling bereavement still exists in the living siblings’ lives. The deceased siblings come in to part of the bereaved siblings’ self. As a result, severing continuing bonds is impossible. The researcher realized that she had idealized the grief healing as being without any grief. Researcher’s Reflection: The adolescent sibling bereavement is the product and the sum of multi-system interactions. The self-identity of the bereaved siblings are shattered by the mainstream discourse and the frame of Taiwanese culture. Thus, reconstructing the subjectivity of the bereaved sibling is paramount. The researcher’s second aunt died from cancer as the thesis was about to be finished. The loss resurrected the memory of the death of the forth aunt, creating a chance to discuss the experience and bereavement with two cousins who are the forth aunt’s daughters. All the experiences in the research process shocked and facilitated the researchers’ wakefulness. The researcher eventually determined to carry the grief and the bereavement in her course of life.